Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
