Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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