no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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