I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
