I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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