I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
