Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
