At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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