She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
