wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
