I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
