I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
