Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
