Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize