Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
