The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
