Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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