direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
