Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
