ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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