Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
