Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
nutella sex= disaster
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
