How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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