dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
