I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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