Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
