Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
