This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
