I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
