We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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