I showed him my bush... on skype.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
