So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
