Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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