You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i need some magic done to my vagina
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
