There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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