Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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