So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
