Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
