Umm I'm too high to move.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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