Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
