I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
