if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
