i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
