Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
