I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
