i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
