i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
