sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
