Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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