TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
