You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
