i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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