My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
