Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
