in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
