I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
