I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
