yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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