I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
