Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
