I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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