5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
