he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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