Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
