I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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