Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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