Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
