Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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