So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
