I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
