this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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