fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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