That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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