atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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