dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There are leaves in my underwear?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize