I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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